Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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