my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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