Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize