I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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