I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
