Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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