Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
