he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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