college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
