Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
