I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
