thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The police scanner is talking about you again....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
