bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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