If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
