lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
