if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
