he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
