My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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