so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is Oprah even human
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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