I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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