my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
