If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
