I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
birth control should be required to get into college
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
