I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
