I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
