I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
