Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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