One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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