I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
