we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
