You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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