i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
