:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
