when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
