oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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