When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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