Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
