just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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