I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
