they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
