I need to stop coming to work sober
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
