cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
