i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
