hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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