Do you still have your period?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
