69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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