I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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