my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
COCAINE IS GR8
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
