I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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