I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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