I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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