I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
