she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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