Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
