I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
