i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
