so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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