my mouth tastes like poor choices
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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