i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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