Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
