On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
