so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize