she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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