I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
