The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize