Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
