So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
