Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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