Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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