So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize