my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
