He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
