And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
