I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
