is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize